


One Day at a Time

by smiles2go



Series: Anything at All [2]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Dreams, M/M, Masturbation, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-18 23:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smiles2go/pseuds/smiles2go
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting to question his sanity, the Doctor goes back for Jack so he won't be so alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

~oOo~

 

It was little things at first, a book I wasn’t reading showed up on the kitchen table, a half-empty teacup sitting on the side table in the library or appearing in the sink when I had no memory of drinking tea. Then the dreams started.

I shouldn’t have let Jack go, or at least stayed with him till he was ready to come back so I wouldn’t be alone, wouldn’t let the melancholy eat my soul. I’d have to find another companion soon, someone to chase the shadows away, fend them off with laughter. Maybe two of them this time, to focus on each other while I watched safely from a distance. Usually by now another one had stumbled in and I’d get to see the universe all over again through new eyes, making me feel young again. There was always a human needing saved somewhere, they were everywhere, breeding like bloody rabbits. 

Standing in front of a mirror, I shifted this face into a smile. It looked fake even to me. A frown was easier, shouldn’t be, but it was. Best of all, a blank face, indicative of a blank mind. Yeah, like that was gonna happen. I sighed and covered the mirror with an old coat. Yes Doctor, cover it up so no one can ever look and truly see the real you. Sighing again I went to look for a book I hadn’t read, a movie I hadn’t seen, a memory I hadn’t taken out and polished a thousand times.

Finally, mostly out of boredom, I decided to try sleeping. There was nothing else going on, no emergencies, no one in imminent danger and nothing that needed my undivided attention. That’s when I had the first dream. A few weeks later, after the whole Antarctic affair and Jack was still off checking up on his precious Torchwood team, I was still musing over the dream, wondering why I couldn’t get the Master off my mind. I mean come on; it had been over nine hundred years, why now? Was it because he’d left without saying goodbye? No, we hardly ever said goodbye. Was it because the Master claimed he’d wanted to stay, to fix things? No, the Master couldn’t be trusted, that was a given, it was some kind of trick to get the TARDIS or destroy earth or take over the universe. The Master never changed. No, I concluded, it was because for the first time in eons, I kind of hoped he’d stay and we’d work it out. 

So with nothing else to do, I went to my bedroom, more of a storage room actually, a museum of forgotten memories, stripped and climbed under the covers. Closing my eyes I waited. And waited. Humming a half-forgotten song, I opened my eyes and looked around at the shelves covering the walls, the trinkets and souvenirs collected from a thousand planets with dozens of companions, all gone now. Shoving the covers aside in annoyance, I got up and went to kneel in front of the wooden chest at the end of the bed. Fumbling my thumb on the lock, I waited for the quiet snick and used both hands to lift the heavy lid, letting it rest back against the mattress.

Inside I rummaged around, stopping occasionally to smile or frown at a particular object. Finally I found what I was looking for, little green velvet box half hidden under a pile of sheet music that had once belonged to Beethoven—well Beethoven and me. Lifting the small box with unsteady hands, I let it rest on my palm for long moments before deciding not to open it. When had I opened it last, I wondered with a frown? A long, long time ago. At least once after I’d left with the TARDIS, burning bridges left and right, running without a backward look. Well not too many, anyway. Maybe after the first time we’d run into each other, or the second. 

Touching the velvet with one finger, I stroked across the top of the box. The sudden sting of tears caused me to snort and shake my head in disbelief. Look at me, going all maudlin and woozy at my age. Without opening the box, I put it back in the trunk, not quite on the bottom, nestled between a black beret and Romana’s wooden puzzle-box. Closing the lid and carefully setting the lock, I knew I didn’t have to open the box to remember the heaviness of the thick gold chain or run my finger across the single shiny disc. _Koschei_ written in High Gallifreyan. 

Pulling the covers over my head, I wondered what had happened to its mate, how long had the Master kept it. How long could he have? He’d gone thru several TARDIS’s, many regular ships, a dozen regenerations, how could he have possibly kept up with one golden necklace bearing the name _Theta,_ all this time? He couldn’t, that’s how. With a sigh, I decided to give this sleep thing five more minutes before getting up to go tinker with the controls. My last thought was about the absurdity of regret and longing for lost loves being a constant throughout all galaxies and all peoples.

The dream settled itself on me stronger this time. I felt the presence at my back, strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, anchoring me. The warmth of _his_ breath on the back of my neck and in my hair tingled pleasantly. Legs tangled together, not the least bit awkward or uncomfortable. Turning my head slightly, nostrils filled with scent, his scent. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, recognizing and accepting the rightness of the body spooning up against me. A very naked body, I thought with a smile. A very naked, aroused body.

Without thinking, I pushed back, rubbing myself against the hardness pressing against my arse. The arms tightened around me, one hand spreading wide, fingers making small circles against my chest. My breath hitched and I heard the sharp intake of his breath. Determining to roll over and confront my dream lover, I started to squirm. The arms tightened again, forcing me to stop, the Master had almost always been physically stronger than me, Koschei certainly had been. 

Gathering strength, I pushed my hands against the mattress trying to get leverage to turn over, but the arms tightened again, hurting me. “Theta.” A breathless whisper in my ear and the arms loosened and were gone with a soft sigh. Afraid to turn now, I waited, listening carefully. There was nothing beyond the sound of my own breathing and the steady hum of the TARDIS. It was just a dream. 

Cursing softly under my breath, I threw back the covers and sat up, turning slightly to look behind me, to run a hand across the sheets feeling for warmth. Eying the faint indention on the other pillow in alarm, I decided surely that was from when I’d rolled over and spread out across the bed. Surely. The TARDIS couldn’t be haunted, it was just a dream. The TARDIS would let me know if there was someone or something else here, I would sense it, I would _know._ Especially, if it was him.

It was just a dream, I told my erection, nothing to get excited over. Just a dream, not even a memory because Koschei had never spooned up behind me, held me tightly with thin, wiry arms and certainly the Master had never held me like that. “Just a dream.” I said out loud trying to convince myself. “You’d tell me, wouldn’t you old girl? Tell me if he was here?” I looked up at the ceiling, waiting for an answer that wouldn’t come. 

Laughing suddenly, I slipped out of bed and dressed again, only realizing when I was tying my trainers that several hours had passed, wasted in a dream that lasted only a few minutes. Determining to go and get Jack sooner rather than later because I was obviously going insane all on my own, dredging up old memories that were better left submerged in the muck. Koschei was a good memory, a happy time in my life, not to be confused with encounters with the Master. They weren’t the same at all. Koschei was gone, lost forever in the mist of time, like Theta. Pressing my lips together in sudden anxiety, I squelched the partially birthed fragment of thought — I could go back and see, just … watch …

 

~oOo~

 

Jack settled in, happy to be back in his old room, telling me stories of Torchwood and alien visitations that hadn’t been worth my time, describing his team and their reactions to alien tech, shaking his head and laughing at their antics. I let Jack persuade me to visit Space Florida and sit on the beach, getting my trainers full of sand.

I meandered slowly back to the TARDIS at sunset, feeling too warm, almost as if I was getting a sunburn, like that could happen. I’d lost track of Jack hours earlier, nothing to worry about. Jack would come back later, tomorrow or next week. Not even Jack could get into trouble here. Space Florida was very laid back and mostly an anything goes kind of place.

Removing the sonic screwdriver before hanging up my coat, I toed off the trainers and peeled off the sand filled socks leaving them in a pile by the door. I’d need a shower to get all the sand out and a thorough brushing of my clothes. I hoped Jack didn’t come back and track sand all through the TARDIS, she wouldn’t like that. With a sigh, I walked across the decking and down the stairs. Maybe I’d try sleeping again, see if that dream came back. No matter the distraction, I’d relived at least part of it several times. I’d be right in the middle of working out some new, exciting problem and wham, my senses were filled with _his_ scent, or the touch of his fingers burning trails across my skin. Adjusting the water temperature in the shower, I idly wondered why the Master would still smell like Koschei. Did I still smell like Theta? Had anyone done a study on that? I’d have to check the library sometime and see.

“It was just a dream!” I shouted in the shower, getting a mouthful of hot water, but my mind didn’t care. I had to get this under control, imagine the consequences of a stray memory popping up in the middle of a confrontation, getting hard would NOT be a good idea. Besides, Jack would misinterpret everything and assume the worst. Jack was intensely attuned to anything sexual and would be on me in a second. I liked Jack, but he wasn’t a substitute for Koschei. No one had ever come close. Rose had been a temptation in her own right, I’d really loved her and then lost her. I couldn’t take the risk anymore, this loving and losing, wasn’t worth it, not when I had so many years to go on alone.

Bowing my head under the steady stream of water, I gave in to torturous memories, whispering Koschei’s name over and over, stroking myself. Dream or not, Time Lord or not, nostalgia when mixed with melancholy was too strong. Best to take care of it, get it out of the way and go on, put it behind me, put an end to this madness.

~oOo~


	2. Chapter 2

~oOo~

 

 

I had the dream again. Not quite the same I decided, doing a mental comparison while sitting in the library, drinking a cup of strong, hot tea. Little details were different each time. Perhaps I should try and control the dream next time, see what changes I could make. I was still unable to turn over and face the Master, was 99% sure it was the Master. I should confirm that before going any further.

“I could stay here a thousand years.” Jack collapsed into a chair across from me with a happy sigh. I hadn’t seen him for a couple days. “I love Space Florida.” He grinned and flopped his head back against the leather.

“You’re looking good.” I looked with approval at Jack’s flushed skin, slightly reddened from being out in the sun. He was losing that fish belly-white tone he got from hiding down in Torchwood away from the sun. 

“Yeah?” Jack’s tone changed and his eyebrows went up. “You like?” He gestured at himself, white shirt unbuttoned showing glimpses of a tan chest and red Speedo. “Is that all it takes to get your attention finally?” He laughed starting to straighten up. “Cause I’ve been thinking of some things I…”

I held up a hand to stop him and chuckled in disbelief. “Can’t someone just compliment you without you taking it as a come-on?” I asked Jack already knowing the answer. “Everything isn’t about sex Jack.” Well, mostly not.

Jack grinned and shook his head. “You want me, you just won’t admit it.” He said smugly, wiggling in the chair to get more comfortable.

“No Jack.” I shook my head resignedly. “I want—“ Stopping suddenly, I looked down. Stupid, stupid, I thought. Jack was bound to pick up on that.

He frowned and tipped his head to the side. “You want … what? What is it you want Doctor?” Jack studied me, leaning forward in his chair, hands tight on the arms. “Not me…well that’s a kick in the ass.” He laughed.

“Forget it, Jack. Tell me about your conquests on the beach.” I tried to change the subject, not quite meeting his eyes. “There was at least one blond, right?”

“Blond? You’re still not pining over Rose are you?” Jack frowned and looked down, his face hardened and he stood, fists at his side. “It’s him isn’t it? _He’s_ blond. You’re still thinking about the Master aren’t you?” Jack nodded as I dipped my head further. Damn.

“Um.” I mumbled intelligently, suddenly finding a spot on my shoe fascinating. It only took a second for me to realize I was blushing, a Time Lord blushing? How can that be? How could Jack, a mere human, pin me down, get such a reaction out me? How could any human take control of the conversation and … No, it wasn’t Jack, it was my own mind, turning traitorously toward thoughts of the Master, turning each conversation, each thought to connect to the Master in some way. My own mind had betrayed me. My thoughts raced down a dozen pathways trying to discover why and most importantly—how? It was several minutes before I realized Jack was calling my name impatiently.

“What?” I looked up at Jack in confusion. Maybe I was sick? I should do a thorough exam…yes, that’s what I’d do. Setting the cold cup of tea on a little side table I stood, completely forgetting Jack. How could I be so obsessed over a dream, over memories hundreds of years gone? I was sick, maybe an allergy or drugged with something—that was the answer. 

Smiling in relief, I almost ran to the room Rose had named sick bay, the room where I kept the medical supplies and healing machinery. Ignoring the vague sounds of Jack calling after me—something unimportant no doubt, I hurried on. I would find the problem and fix it. There was no reason for a grown man to be acting like a hormone-ridden teenager. No reason at all. Several corridors and stairways later, I skidded to a stop in confusion in front of an open door.

I hadn’t been down here in nearly a year, but even so I wouldn’t leave a door standing wide open, neither would the TARDIS. What was that room anyway? I racked my brain trying to remember. Not a bedroom, maybe a storage room? Walking cautiously across the threshold, I looked around. The lights came up and I relaxed. It was just a storage room. Jack must have been down here exploring. Several boxes had been pried open, packing straw littered the floor. 

Poking around in one of the boxes, I saw it was empty with nothing written on the packing label to say what had been in there. Jack might poke around, but he would never just take something away without telling me. Besides where would he take it to? Looking around, I discovered several empty boxes. Not finding anything else, I left reluctantly, locking the door carefully behind me, probably a case of too little, too late. I’d have to remember to speak to Jack about it. No time now, I was already on an important mission.

The scan was negative. No illness, no foreign substances in my body. I sighed and wondered if somewhere I could find a machine to scan a Time Lord’s mind. Blinking suddenly, I leaned against the wall and slid down until I was on the floor, legs spread out in front of me. _Hypnotized._ I’d been fucking hypnotized. Only one person, one Time Lord, could have done it. Damn, I’d been so careful, not to look directly in his eyes. 

Would it do any good to go into a self-induced coma to search out and destroy whatever suggestion the Master had inserted in my mind? Not really. I knew exactly what it was. _Dream of me, remember me, want me, think of me constantly, the very thought of my voice turning you on._ Why though? Why those suggestions in the first place and why do it at all if he was just going to leave? Ha. I snickered. Ha ha ha. Torture, what the Master did best. I’d rejected his advances and now he’d make me suffer. How long could this last? How long could a hypnotic suggestion live in a Time Lord’s mind? I’d have to take the time to see if there was a study on that too. Knowing the Master, it would last forever, through any and all regenerations I’d ever have. Fuck.

“Doc?” I heard Jack calling and couldn’t be bothered to answer. What good could Jack do? I sat there and listened to Jack’s voice gradually fade away as he searched other corridors. I could sleep with Jack, maybe that would superimpose some measure of something over the obsessive thoughts of the Master. Or maybe I’d just end up with another love-sick idiot and have to leave him somewhere. At least I could leave Jack, there was no way the Master was leaving my mind any time soon. Fuck, fuck and double fuck.

“You ok doc?” Jack stood in the doorway, looking down at me with a puzzled look on his face. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?” Hands on his hips looking exasperated, he stared impatiently. “Is something wrong with you?” He looked around, recognizing the machinery.

I finally raised stricken eyes to look at Jack and he crouched down in front of me. I’d never confessed any weakness to any of the companions and I wouldn’t start now. Pushing up, I pasted a grin on my face and grabbed Jack by the wrist.

“Let’s go sit on the beach and get plastered.” I said forcing a jolly tone. Jack held back, making me drag him down the corridor. “It’ll be fun.”

“Doc, what’s wrong with you?” Jack pulled me to a stop and put his hands on his hips. “Something is very wrong with you. You’ve been distracted and acting weird this whole trip.”

“I’m fine.” I said shortly and gestured down the corridor, toward the control room. He shook his head, I shrugged and walked away trying to remember how much liquor it would take to get totally smashed and when was the last time I’d done it. Couldn’t get totally smashed though or Jack would have me bent over the railing in a flash. No, Jack would be even more totally smashed and in no condition to bend anything. I could hear him sigh and follow me. Ok then, this could work. No dreaming about the Master when I was totally smashed. Yeah. That would work.

 

~oOo~


	3. Chapter 3

~oOo~

 

I laughed, I drank, I danced. Danced all the way back to the TARDIS hanging onto an equally drunk Jack, singing the Star Spangled Banner in a decidedly off-key voice. Fumbling with the key, I got us inside and the door locked without falling down too many times. Jack was very heavy, so after the third time, I left him in the control room and made my way down, down, down to my bedroom to collapse across a nice soft bed.

Ah. Smoothing both hands out across the sheets, I sighed in pleasure before passing out. Nobody ever said you could dream while passed out. What was the point?

The dream was different this time. I was dreaming I was asleep, head down, cheek pressed against his chest, crisp hair tickling my skin. With a groan, I stirred and stretched against him. “Mmmmm.” I moaned, rubbing my cheek against his chest. “You smell like Koschei.” Lifting my head to look at him, to confirm, yes it was the Master haunting my dreams, driving me insane. His face was calm in the half-light. “How can you smell like Koschei and look like the Master?” I murmured, still mostly asleep in this dream. He had that half-smile-half-smirk I remembered, eyes arrogant and amused at the same time. They pinned me like a bug, stilling my thoughts, forcing my entire consciousness on him.

He gazed into my eyes and I gazed back. No point in avoiding it now, I was already a goner. Maybe I could give him some suggestions as well. My eyes narrowed and his lips curved in a smile. He always knew what I was thinking. Forcing my face to stone, I stopped the give-away expressions. What suggestions would I give him? Ha, not the same ones he gave me. I’d give him one to remove anything he put in my head. I’d be free.

Opening my mouth to tell him what I thought of his latest escapade, his finger pressed against my lips stopping me. That same finger started stroking across my bottom lip while his eyes never left mine. That same, very soft finger moved back and forth across my lips, the electricity shooting straight to my brain, via my cock. The tip of his finger slipped inside my mouth for a second, touching my tongue, then back out to swipe the wetness across my lips forcing a whimper before I could stifle it.

His eyes were talking to me, ordering me to trust him and right now it didn’t seem like such an impossible thing. Miracles did happen; I’d gotten my share over time and then some. Maybe, just maybe this was another one. My eyes tried to convey that I wanted to trust him, wanted to believe him but I was scared.

_Scared?_ His eyes scoffed. _Scared of me? Scared of your Koschei?_

_Not scared of Koschei, scared of the Master. Scared this is a trick. Scared I’ll care about you and then you’ll laugh and leave, break my heart. Or worse._

_You want to talk about leaving? About breaking hearts?_ His eyes darkened.

_I’m sorry. I tried to lower my eyes, to hide the truth, but he wouldn’t let me. I was sorry almost instantly. I missed you, have missed you._

_I’m here now. I’m not lying, not tricking you. I want to be here with you, want to make it work._

_You’re the Master and I’m the Doctor. How can we make that work?_ I wanted him to tell me, to find the answer. There must be an answer.

His fingers ghosted gently across my cheek. _Theta and Koschei can make it work._ Gasping at his touch, at his fingers burning across my face, I wanted to believe him. Wanted to think we could forget all those years in-between then and now. _We’re not them anymore._

_We can be. We can start over._ His other hand came up to hold the other side of my face. I knew he was going to slip into my mind and I didn’t care. I was totally under his control. Even a dream can have consequences for a Time Lord.

With a slight smile, he moved a bit closer, his breath warm against my lips, his hands gentle on my face, waiting. Waiting for what? Oh. I closed the distance, lips on his, finally closing my eyes. He still tasted like Koschei. How was that even possible? His tongue painted its way around my mouth, making me shiver and I melted against him. My mind filled with the taste of him, stirring long forgotten memories. His hands tightened on my face, one sliding around to cup the back of my neck, holding me steady, the other sliding down to my hip. If he slipped in my mind, I didn’t even feel it, lost in a haze of lust.

When he broke the kiss, we were both breathing hard, gasping for breath. There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room, in the entire TARDIS. My hands were in his hair, trying to find purchase only to slip through the short blond strands. Pulling him back, I slanted my head and held him still, long slow kisses till I felt the room spinning. 

“Theta.” More breath than sound. His hands skimmed my body, tracing patterns on my skin, making me feel more alive than I’d been in centuries. I was close and from the throbbing against me, I knew he was too. “This was meant to be.” He groaned against me, spilling into my hand. 

Gasping his name, I followed, exploding light in my brain. When I could breathe again, I opened my eyes to find his dark ones watching me with a slight smile.

“Koschei.” I sighed. “You’re just a dream. A mad, beautiful dream.” The smile faded and I knew it was a dream because his eyes were filled with sadness, not the triumph that would have shot from the Master’s eyes. I closed mine, suddenly very sleepy. “A dream.” I whispered and slept. 

 

~oOo~

When I woke, I was covered in a sticky mess. A snort of laughter quickly followed shock, how old was I again? Still able to have fantastic dreams. Well I hadn’t controlled that one very well. The only disturbing thought came at the sight of my clothes neatly folded, jacket draped across the back of a chair. I distinctly remembered falling sideways across the bed, fully clothed and totally smashed. Shrugging off that thought, I went into the adjoining bathroom and stared in the mirror. No love bites, no marks. Shaking my head bleakly at the gullible, lovesick Doctor in the mirror, I asked the TARDIS for steamy hot water. After a quick shower and a change of sheets, I found Jack nursing a coffee and bourbon in the kitchen, hunched over a newspaper.

He looked up with a distinctly petulant look, mixed with hurt. “Why?” He asked watching me carefully. “What is wrong with you?” 

“Why what?” I asked getting myself some coffee, sitting opposite him trying to read the paper upside down. 

“Why did you even bother to come and get me?” His voice was full of hurt and venom, a curious mixture and I looked up at him in surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Before I could even open my mouth to ask him what the hell he was talking about, the Master strolled in, wrapped in my black silk dressing gown, yawning widely, taking the coffee out of my hand and gulping down half of it at once.

 

~oOo~


	4. Chapter 4

~oOo~

 

I froze, mouth agape, mind numb. It had been a dream. It had to be a dream. A quick glance at Jack and I could tell he saw him too and wasn’t surprised if the sour look on his face was anything to go by. Ok, I must still be asleep and this whole thing is part of the dream.

The Master gagged on the coffee, practically dropping the cup on the counter and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of my dressing gown. “Ewww. Did you never hear of sugar then?” Throwing me glare, he went right to the cupboard where the sugar lived and reached through several bottles, jars and boxes to pull out the small jar of Jamaican honey. My mouth was still open and a new thought popped up, how does he know where the sugar is? How did he know that little jar was there, that little jar of his favorite honey. That little jar I’d bought at some little market years ago only because I remembered it was his favorite and I was feeling nostalgic.

In silence, we watched him pour a good dollop of the dark, rich honey in the cup and wipe the edge of the jar with one finger to stem the flow. Honeyed finger deep in his mouth he looked up at us in surprise. “You lot sure are quiet in the morning.” Filling the cup to the brim, he walked around and took the chair on the other side of the table. “Especially you, freak.” Looking around, he snagged my spoon and dipped it carefully in his coffee, spilling only a bit over the side. Without a glance at me, he wiped the spill with the sleeve of my dressing gown.

Jack growled, jumping up from the table. “I’m going back to the beach.” He looked at me accusingly. “You can come and find me when he’s gone.” He stopped at the doorway and said without looking around. “And if he doesn’t go… I’m good here.” Jack turned and walked away.

“Morning, luv.” The Master grinned at me. “Want some coffee?” He winked and jumped up to pour me a cup. “Sleep well?”

“How did you get in here? The door is locked.” I said when I could find my voice again, nodding a quick thank you to the coffee and taking a quick sip before I thought of poison. Sitting the cup carefully down and steepling my fingers, elbows on the table, I frowned at him. “The TARDIS wouldn’t just let you in. Not you.” I shook my head for emphasis.

“Didn’t.” Taking a sip of coffee, he sighed, closing his eyes in pleasure, tipping his head back with a sigh. “I do so love earth coffee first thing in the morning.”

“How did you know we would be here? And why are you wearing my dressing gown?” My voice was getting shriller by the word and I had to stop and swallow to control myself.

“I had a lovely dream.” He opened his eyes and they glinted at me, a slight smile on his lips. “All about you and me, luv.” He winked again, eyes practically glowing.

“Wait. Why are you talking in that weird Cockney accent and why are you calling me ‘luv’?” My mind was like mush and I suddenly remembered the hypnotism theory I’d had the other day. Maybe this was just a hypnotic dream. Maybe I was just insane. Maybe I’d turned into a druggie and this was just a hallucination. Maybe all those theories sounded better than the fact that the Master was sitting here in _my_ dressing gown, drinking _my_ coffee, in _my_ TARDIS calling me luv and talking about dreams.

“Better yet, how are you here and I didn’t sense you? Why didn’t know you were here?”

He tipped his head away and looked down bashfully. “Oh that. Well, you see.” He took a gulp of coffee and swirled it around his mouth before swallowing. “I asked the TARDIS not to tell you, luv.” He looked up and grinned. “Not till you were ready to hear it.”

I slammed my fist down on the table, making both coffees jump. “Are you trying to tell me the TARDIS, _my_ TARDIS, unlocked her doors for you, hid you from my senses and disguised your scent….just because you asked?” My voice rose in disbelief.

“Well, I said please.” His grin faded. “You seemed glad to see me.” 

“Do I look glad to see you?” Lowering my face into my hands, I groaned, wishing I’d never asked that question. “Never mind, just get out and go back where you came from.”

“That’s not what you said last night, luv.” I lifted my head and looked at him in surprise. He was smirking at me. “Any toast or bagel or something to go with this coffee?” He asked fully expecting me to get up and find him something.

“No.” I said shortly. “What about last night?” It was a dream, it was a DREAM. Please let it be a dream. “And stop calling me ‘luv’!” I stood up and started opening drawers and cupboards looking for him something to eat.

“There’s some fresh strawberries in the refrigerator.” He said helpfully. I glared at him thoughtfully before stalking over to jerk open the door and peer inside. There was a large bowl of strawberries waiting on the top shelf, already sliced and covered in a thick dusting of sugar.

“You never left.” I said hollowly. “You’ve been here the whole time, hiding.” 

He took the strawberries from me and fished a couple of forks out of the drawer, tipping his chair back to reach. Sitting the bowl halfway between us, he grinned at me. “Told you I didn’t want to be alone anymore.” He shrugged and carefully considered the strawberries before spearing one. 

I leaned against the counter and rubbed my face. “Out of all the people and places in the universe, you chose to be here?” I asked sarcastically. “With me?”

“Who else is there to be with?” Chewing the strawberry, while considering another, he grinned and looked up. “Don’t forget about that …dream…you had last night. You kissed me.” He smirked and licked the sugar off a strawberry before pulling it off the fork with his lips, eyes never leaving mine. 

“That wasn’t real.” I insisted. It couldn’t be real. “You’ve hypnotized me or something.”

“No, you’re just remembering. You remember what it’s like with us. Take chocolates for instance, you love chocolates, could eat them all day, you could live on chocolate and then for some reason you don’t have any for the longest time and you forget until one day there’s a chocolate and you think, mmmm I used to love that stuff and you try one and it’s like wow, all of a sudden you can’t get enough. It’s like that.” 

“It’s not like that! It was a dream!” I insisted, hand tightening around the coffee cup, eyes frozen looking inward. It was a dream. It had to be a dream … otherwise …. otherwise it was real and it couldn’t be real. Just couldn’t.

“Oh luv.” He shook his head sadly. “A mad, beautiful dream, I believe you said.” 

“No.” I shook my head, knees turned to jelly, refusing to believe it. I sat carefully keeping my eyes away from him. “No.” I whispered before taking a gulp of lukewarm coffee.

Raising his eyebrows he raised one palm and looked at it thoughtfully, before licking it slowly. “You taste just like I remember.” His eyes were thoughtful. “How can that be?”

“Why did the TARDIS hide you all these months? What did you do to her?” 

“Told you I said please.” Another strawberry disappeared in his mouth. His eyes closed and he gave a little sigh of pleasure.

I looked at him with eyebrows raised, waiting for the truth or at least a better lie.

“She looked into my mind and saw I was telling the truth.” Shrugging slightly with one shoulder, he studied the strawberries with great interest before spearing another. I frowned, noticing he was getting all the ones on top with the sugar sprinkles, so I picked up my fork and speared one for myself.

“You aren’t capable of telling the truth.” I said slowly, letting the sweet taste of strawberry fill my senses.

“You think I could lie to a TARDIS?” He paused to consider. “I didn’t think to try.”

“If anyone could, you could.” I chewed the strawberry, it was amazingly sweet and I grabbed another.

“Well, I didn’t.” He frowned at me and forked the last strawberry covered in sugar waving it triumphantly in my face. I grabbed his hand and bit the strawberry off the end of his fork. 

He slowly smiled and laid his fork down, hungry eyes locked on mine, his hand reaching almost in slow motion to cup the back of my neck, pulling me closer and closer to him. I stopped chewing, frozen, eyes wide, not resisting as his lips touched mine with a little sigh and he kissed me, tongue in my mouth to take back some of the strawberry. His tongue wandered around my mouth like a tourist out for a Sunday stroll. 

Fingers clutching the dressing gown, I dragged him half out of the chair and across the edge of the table because I wanted to feel every part of him against me, wanted to feel the heat of his skin against mine. Shaking with desperate need, I didn’t care if he’d hypnotized me or not, I was intoxicated with memories of being with him and I wanted that again, wanted to feel the burning trails of light that echo in our minds when we were linked like _that._ I thought I’d never have it again, never truly be one with another Time Lord, with _him,_ it was always him. The link was still there, I could feel it pulsing with my heartbeat, with his heartbeat. All we had to do was mutually open it and we could be one again, exploding with passion together. Just one more second, one more breath and….

“Oh fucking hell!” Jack stood in the doorway. Without another word he turned and stomped off. I jerked away and we heard him cursing all the way down the hall. 

~oOo~


	5. Chapter 5

~oOo~

 

I did what any prudent man would do, I ran. Less than twenty feet down the corridor, he had me pressed against the wall, hands on mine holding them to either side of my head. I kept my eyes firmly on his chin and refused to imagine what that stubble would feel like against my skin, to remember exactly how it felt against my skin.

“Look at me, Theta.” He whispered, his lips a breath away from mine. 

Shaking my head stubbornly, my thoughts raced frantically, looking for a way out. Short of picking him up and tossing him out the door, I couldn’t see how to get him off the TARDIS. I still couldn’t believe she’d hid him from me. We’d have a talk about that later, she and I.

“Look at me.” He said firmly, pushing himself tighter against me, touching me from chest to knee. “I said look at me.” His voice hardened into a command.

“You’ll just hypnotize me again.” This was too surreal even for a Time Lord, it couldn’t be happening. “Do whatever you did to make me insane.” I stood there passively, letting him do what he wanted till I figured out what I wanted.

“I didn’t hypnotize you in the first place.” He chuckled, brushing his lips against my face, making my skin tingle. Raising my eyes, I looked into his dark ones. He’d always had dark eyes, deep and hard to read, eyes drawing me in, teasing me with hidden emotions, just to laugh and let me drown.

“See.” Another soft kiss. “That didn’t hurt a bit.” His voice softened into a gruff whisper.

“You did something.” I insisted, definitely not kissing him back. “You put something in my mind.” His eyes were deep enough to get lost in and I knew he didn’t have to use hypnosis for me to be in trouble. My eyes fluttered shut in self-preservation.

“I didn’t put anything in your mind.” His tongue stroked across my bottom lip seeking entrance. “I didn’t hypnotize you.” His breathing was slightly faster, mine was going like a racehorse and our hearts were thumping so loud I couldn’t quite hear him.

“You did something.” I managed to say against his mouth. “You must have done something to me. I…” My mind couldn’t function, my body had betrayed me and if he hadn’t done something….no…it had to be his fault. There was no way I would succumb so quickly to his touch. “Then you drugged me somehow.”

“No.” His tongue was in my mouth, touching and tracing. “Why, Theta? Why do you think I did something?” Hot, wet kisses stealing my breath. “You were always this responsive.” He laughed softly. “Don’t you remember? I remember.” Of course I remembered, with a memory like ours, nothing was forgotten. In fact it was too easy to back and relive every second, every feeling….that’s why I had to be eternally distracted, had to press certain memories down in the box and throw away the key. Only these memories wouldn’t stay down, not when he was so close.

“What?” My brain was in overload. “I wasn’t…..no. Stop.” My hearts were thudding so fast, I was sure they would crash into each other before breaking out of my chest and flying away. 

“Stop? You want me to stop? Really?” He cocked his hips, pressing our erections together and someone moaned. I think it was me. “Tell me you don’t want this.” His voice was low and teasing. The look in his eyes was positively wicked.

I made a muffled little noise, vaguely wondering what I looked like. I certainly felt dazed, thought dragging my eyes to his, lips curling at the glazed look on his face. He wasn’t entirely unaffected no matter how well he could control his voice. Those eyes couldn’t hypnotize a frog now, let alone a Time Lord. Unless, one was stupid enough to keep looking at them, growing more excited at the thought that I’d made him look like that. He noticed my smile and started blinking, clearing his mind to refocus his efforts.

“What have you done to me?” I whimpered letting my head fall forward and rest on his shoulder. The link was pulsing again, pulsing in time with our racing hearts. It was only then that I realized my hands were free, fisting into the dressing gown, holding onto him for dear life. 

A small ripple of laughter brought my attention back to his face. He was flushed, breathing noisily through his mouth, his lips swollen. I didn’t remember putting that mark on his neck, but the sight of it made me grin. The smug look in his eyes brought me back to reality or maybe it was the sudden realization of a cooling patch of wet stickiness, where we were still pressed together. 

Uncurling my hands from _my_ stolen dressing gown was harder than it should have been. Concentrating on the right hand first, I managed to get it free and then wasn’t sure what to do with it before struggling with the left hand. His body still held me against the wall with nowhere to go.

“Why are you doing this?” Lust satisfied for the moment, my mind began to clear.

“I thought you liked it. You certainly act like you liked it.” He grinned, the manic grin that struck fear in others, just rekindled a thrum of desire deep in me which I tried to ignore. He threaded his fingers with mine then held my hands back to the wall even with my head.

“No, come on. Really, why?” The Master never did anything without a reason, and a backup plan, perhaps a dozen. He was hard to pin down and harder to kill, like me. I added with an inward chuckle. 

“Because you wouldn’t listen to reason. I had to employ … _other_ arguments.” His voice was reasonable, logical. That was usually the first step in a trap. He made you want to believe him because no other answer was even possible. Trusting him was the first mistake—no, by then it was too late, far too late. 

“Other arguments? Are you kidding?” I struggled to think rationally, to validate or invalidate his reasoning without listening to his voice or looking in his eyes. Letting my own emotional response rule instead of logic would be a grave mistake. 

“You’re listening, aren’t you?” He seemed very pleased with himself, too pleased. I wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. And I would, just as soon as my mushy brain came back online and I thought of something brilliant.

“Well.” I muttered still searching for a brilliant comeback. “I want to take a shower.” Before he could react, I pushed free and stalked off down the corridor toward my room, proud retreat marred by his laughter echoing after me.

~oOo~

 

Letting the steaming hot water stream off my head, I wondered vaguely how he could get a reaction out of me, just by touching me with his eyes. Had he always been able to do that? Why did that one quirked-up eyebrow dare me to give into temptation? How had he destroyed all my control and resistance? When had he turned all his brilliant ruthlessness on convincing me of his sincerity? What the hell was I going to do? How could I make a rational decision when I wasn’t sure what the word even meant anymore? Since when had I been filled with uncertainty, no that wasn’t right, I was consumed with thoughts and memories of him. The uncertainty came from trying to figure out what to do, whether to trust him or not. Logic screamed no, HELL no. Emotion, want, hunger, need, desire, memory… these fought for control. A little voice kept repeating over and over: _he’s the one person who knows you, the one person who sees who you really are._

Annoyance, anger, logic, these were all things locked under the frozen ice in my mind, with no way to get to them, to use them to break free. _Desire._ Desire thrummed in my body, screamed in my blood, burned in my hearts. Desire for his touch, desire to touch him. Desire for things to go back to a simpler time. Desire to open the link and be with him, to join together in a blaze of excitement. 

~oOo~

Jack was reclining on my bed when I came out of the shower wrapped in a towel. 

“Thought you were leaving?” Rubbing my hair one last time, I tossed the wet towel behind me. “Didn’t I hear you toss out an ultimatum?” Fished around the sock drawer for something to match the trainers and took the clean suit off the hanger.

“Will you listen to yourself?” He asked sitting up and waving his hands alarmingly. “What kind of hold does this guy have over you?” 

“It’s complicated.” I answered shortly continuing to dress and run fingers through my wet hair to make it spike up.

“Complicated?” He laughed reluctantly. “You said you knew him at school. That’s not the whole truth is it?” I could never make him understand nine hundred years of dynamic between us, didn’t understand it myself. “Is it Doctor?” 

I looked at him a long moment before shaking my head in resignation. “No.” I sat on the bed beside him and fished out a pair of trainers from under the bed.

“I kinda figured that from the very _personal_ attention he showed you during the year that never was.” He nodded to himself. “Destroying humanity, the earth and the whole universe was just a way to get back at you.” 

I nodded slowly, concentrating all my attention on tying the laces. “I told you it was complicated.”

“You must have really fucked him over bad.” Jack snickered. “All that stuff you said about taking him off in the TARDIS, just you and him, you really meant that didn’t you? It wasn’t just a trick to get him to leave earth.” He seemed blown away by my stupidity. “You admire him? Has all this been just a ploy to get him to go off with you?” Jack rolled his eyes and glared at me.

“No…no Jack.” I said in a small voice, wondering where he was. “You’ve only seen his bad side.” He used to have a good side, before the drums got bad, but I didn’t know that at the time.

“He changed every human into himself, every human on the planet Doctor! Just to get your attention. Because you chose us over him, he took away your choice.” Jack shook his head in disbelief. “You’re like petty gods playing with us, using us in your childish fights.”

“We’re Time Lords. He’ll say we have that right.” We didn’t really, but I was in a minority…wait now there were only two of us. It was 50/50. I almost laughed out loud. It was my right to protect them just as much as it was his right to destroy them. 

“No one has that right!” Jack slammed his fist down on the bed. “We’re living, breathing creatures, not…not toys!” He stood and paced around the room. “Look Doctor, I get that you’re way smarter than us….you do save us time and time again, after all, but come on.” I waited impatiently, hands clasped tightly together in front of me to keep from jumping up and running, my eyes kept straying to the door.

“That’s true. There’s no end to saving you lot.” He was close, I could feel him. “That’s my right, as it were.” 

~oOo~

 

I stood and walked toward the door, Jack’s voice fading out. He was close, almost here. Lifting my hand, I laid it palm open on the door, knowing exactly when he placed his palm on the other side of the door, feeling him through the wood. I don’t know how long we stood there like that, facing each other through the door, but Jack must have seen something wrong and touched my shoulder, breaking the spell.

“Doc?” He said impatiently. I hadn’t been listening to his impassioned speech. “Are you ok?”

Dropping my hand, I watched as the door knob start to turn and I wondered when the TARDIS had added an old fashioned door to my room. It used to be a sliding door. 

“DOC!” Jack shook my shoulder and I turned to him with a frown. He put both hands up and retreated a step or two. “You’ve been acting weird since I came back.” He groused, taking another step backward, eyes going to the opening door.

~oOo~


	6. Chapter 6

~oOo~

 

Stepping back to let the door open all the way, I watched impassively as the Master walked in. His eyes went straight to Jack and he told him to get out in what for him was a reasonable tone of voice. He’d finally gotten dressed and I wondered idly if he’d brought his own clothes as I didn’t recognize the jeans and button down white shirt folded back at the cuffs. He looked calm and refreshed. I was glad to see he hadn’t shaved, I still wanted to feel that burr of stubble against my skin. _Stop it._ I winced, mentally shaking myself. _You’re worse than Jack._

Jack’s lips tightened and he glanced at me but my eyes were locked on the Master. With a heavy sigh, Jack pushed past him, bumping none too gently into his shoulder on the way out. The Master ignored him, reached back and pushed the door shut gently, leaning against it studying my face. 

“Why did you come here in the first place?” I asked when minutes had passed in an uneasy silence. 

“I was lost after the drums were gone. I didn’t know… I couldn’t….” The Master was uncharacteristically tongue-tied, doing a good job of moving me from certainty to uncertainty about ultimately refusing him. “You were the only thing I could think of.” He shrugged, his hands lifting aimlessly. “If I was going to be lost, I wanted to be lost with you.” He grinned slightly. “In you.” 

I shook my head stubbornly, refusing to let him charm me again. “As I’m sure you know, the name Koschei means ‘deceitful one’ or ‘trickster’ in many languages. I assume that’s why you chose it.”

“Look in my mind then.” He took a step forward, stopping only when he ran into my outstretched palm and I could feel his heartbeats. “We were meant to be together. I see that now. Why can’t you?” He sounded sad, probably another ruse to get his hands on me making me forget my own name. “You don’t think it means something that after all the crap we’ve put each other through, all the times we’ve tried and failed to kill each other, that neither of us destroyed the link?”

“Do you see us as star-crossed lovers?” Forcing some amusement in my voice, I dropped my hand and he stepped closer, just a breath away. I swallowed and stood my ground, as foolish as that might prove.

“You’re the only one left who can share my thoughts, my memories. Hell, the whole damn TARDIS is filled with stuff from people and places gone and turned to dust. You go out and find a new companion time after time, yet you won’t even consider me. Who else will read Gallifreyan poetry to you in the bath? Who else remembers the fields of red grass and cold mountain lakes of home? Who else will still be with you when your precious earth is long gone, a vague memory?” His voice was full of passion and I wondered if he’d been working on this speech while I was in the shower, not that it didn’t move me you understand. All true, but he was a master at manipulating the truth, manipulating words. My lips quirked as I realized he was a master at many things.

“Very pretty.” I answered taking a deep breath which was a mistake as he was too close and his scent filled my senses, dulling my resolve. A ribbon of lust started unrolling in my gut, winding its way around and around, choking my thoughts. It must have been reflected in my eyes as he took another step closer, hands still at his sides, bringing us within inches of each other. 

“You begged me not to die, not to leave you. I don’t understand why you’ve changed your mind. You wanted to help me. So help me.” His fingers trailed across my face, slowing down to trace my lips in slow motion. Time stopped as my entire being concentrated on his fingers and I fought to keep my eyes open. Focusing on his lips, I realized he was talking.

“Remember when you said:

_‘I've been alone ever since. But not any more. Don't you see, all we've got is each other.’_

_‘You're a genius. You're stone-cold brilliant, you are. I swear, you really are, but you could be so much more. You could be beautiful. With a mind like that--we could travel the stars. It would be my honor.’_

He quoted my words back at me, changing the tone, making them sound…enticing. “Sounds very much like you want me here with you, like you care about me. Didn’t you mean it?”

“Stop repeating my words back to me, you’re twisting them….that’s not…just stop it.” 

“So. You lied?” The disbelief in his eyes was just irritating. “I don’t believe that.” 

Without conscious thought, I closed the inch or two between us, my lips locking over the pulse point in his neck, I felt the thump of his hearts beating faster and faster, setting the rhythm for my hearts. I wanted to be a vampire and sink my teeth in deep, tasting him. My mouth moved around on his neck, licking and biting harder with each moan my mouth tortured out of his mouth. My hands raked up and down his back, trying to get to his skin.

“What are you doing to me?” I breathed against his neck. “I can’t …think when you’re close.” My own moans joining with his to make our song.

“You’re remembering, you can’t block it out either. Your eyes betray you, your body betrays you.” He whispered, lips touching my ear and one hand in my hair. “You’re mesmerized with longing and desires resurrected from distant memories.”

I lifted my head long enough to look in his eyes and nodded slightly. “Your mouth on my skin is not a distant memory.” His eyes glittered and using both hands in my hair, he pulled my face up so he could kiss me. “It was there not two hours ago if I remember correctly.”

“I remember sweat slick skin rubbing against mine.” He whispered in my mouth. “I remember you screaming my name under the stars. I remember—“

“Stop!” I whispered frantically trying to block the memories and having little success.

“No. Do you want me to stop?” His lips were on my face and he turned, nuzzling his cheek into my mine, stubble raking across my skin causing me to whimper.

“….no…” I breathed, the merest whisper. “Don’t… don’t stop.” After all this time, he’d won. Taken me down to babbling incoherent sentences without even being naked and all he’d had to do was touch me, talk to me, use those damn eyes on me. 

“Then open the link. Share with me Theta, just like we used to.” His voice was just as breathy, could he really want this?

“We were young then. My mind is old now, it might explode.”

“Something is going to explode.” The Master smirked, his breath, whisper soft against my face, one hand sliding down to stroke and squeeze me through the thin pants, my fingers moving with a sudden clumsiness as I cupped a palm over his groin. His eyes grew dark and hungry and I fell in, forgetting about myself . “Theta.” His voice was like a caress, drifting through my mind. Waiting until the echo of it faded, I sighed and whispered back.

“Even if my eyes are wide open, this is still a dream, an impossible dream.” 

~oOo~


	7. Chapter 7

~oOo~

“FINE!” The Master shouted, pulling away and raking a hand thru his hair before slamming it into the door. “Just fucking fine!” He turned on me, his face twisted in anger and…maybe pain. 

I took an involuntary step back, hitting the mattress and almost losing my balance. His outburst surprised me, the Master was always so smooth, so in control. Only when the drums got the best of him did he lose his temper and there were no drums now.

“Master…” I said tentatively, holding out a hand to calm him like he was a wild animal.

He shook his head and starting spitting words, slurring them all together. “How about because we’re the last two of our kind? How about because I’m the only one that shares your memories of home? How about when all your little human companions are dust, I’ll still be here—with you? How about the fact that I understand you and instinctively know how to please you just as well as I know how to infuriate you? How about … oh fuck. Just fucking forget it. I don’t know why I even bothered; you’re incapable of a mature relationship. You proved that nine hundred years ago when you ran away, you’ve proved it again and again. I don’t know why I thought now….” His voice trailed off and his posture slowly stiffened and his expression transformed his face from impatience to surprise and disbelief. “…except for the freak…is it him? Do you want to be with him? Is that why I stumble over him every time I see you?” He took a step toward me and his mouth dropped open. “It is, isn’t it? Fuck! He’ll outlive you and me both, you’ll never be alone again.” He lowered his eyes, letting his breath out in a rush. After a moment he looked back at me, faltering smile pasted on, eyes calm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t …didn’t understand. I’ll just…just…go now.” He turned and fumbled for the doorknob. “Goodbye Theta.” He said softly, not turning around.

The sorrow in his voice held me in place, stronger than his arms when he had me against the wall. I knew he was really going to leave this time, probably never come back or be found and I couldn’t let that happen. He’d probably go take his rage at me out on some poor planet that had no defenses.

“Wait.” I whispered hoarsely. Clearing my throat, I tried again, a bit louder. “Wait!” I took one step toward his back. He didn’t turn around, but his hand stilled on the knob and he tipped his head down, listening. “Don’t go, Koschei. Please.” He turned and looked at me. The raw emotion in his eyes hurt as it burned into mine. I swallowed and tried to think, reaching for control I took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want Jack, not like that, but I don’t want to be alone either. I want to believe you, I do. It’s just…” I broke off when his lips smashed into mine and his hands gripped my arms. With one part of my mind, the only part working, I realized that was going to bruise.

“It’s not going to be all blue skies and sunshine.” I said when we were finally just standing there propping each other up, foreheads touching. “Too much water under the bridge.”

“When did you start talking in clichés?” His laugh was the first genuine laugh I’d heard out of him. “Nothing was ever easy with you.”

“Me?” That hurt, it was true, but it hurt. “I’m not the one that can’t be trusted.”

“Don’t start.” He said wearily. “Can we get through one day without arguing, without throwing insults? Can we just pretend and go forward.” His hands slid down my arms to my hands, fingers weaving together with mine and he stepped back so we could look at each other. “I’ll even let the freak stay if you want and I’ll try not to kill him, even if I get bored.”

“And then what?” I asked wanting him to have an answer I could believe. “What happens when you want to destroy something I want to save? Then what do we do?”

“Then we do it all over again the next day, and the next and the next. Can we make it through one day?” 

“I think I can manage one day.” His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. I shrugged. One day was the truest answer I could come up with. It would all depend on where the TARDIS took us next, how he reacted when I went to rescue some silly human somewhere because that would always happen.

“Are we really gonna do this?” He squeezed my hands, waiting impatiently for me to commit. 

“Yes.” I finally said, nodding at him. “I want to try to make it work.”

“Good.” He smiled. “Then in the spirit of our newfound relationship, I have a confession to make.”

“You did hypnotize me!” I tried to jerk my hands free, mouth twisted in an expression of betrayal. “You put something in my head!” I blinked at the sudden sting of tears. “Liar.” The last word came out as a strangled whisper. 

“Didn’t lie.” He shook our hands fiercely. “You can look in my mind if you want.” He waited till I raised my eyes to consider his unexpected offer. “But I did take something.” Suddenly, uncharacteristically shy, he looked down, studying my trainers with a strange intensity. “Something you took from me a long time ago.”

“What?” I asked genuinely puzzled. “I didn’t take anything from you… as if I could.” He’d achieved his aim of distracting me, if that had been his purpose. 

“That night in the dump, that wasteland on earth….” His eyes lifted to mine, his head still down. He looked embarrassed, something I hadn’t seen in a long time, if ever. “…when…when you touched your head to mine to hear the drums?” He swallowed heavily as if remembering. “Afterwards, I realized I’d found something in your mind, something of mine.” His head raised and he stepped closer, almost touching. “I hadn’t meant to look in your head at all. I just wanted to see what it was like…living without the drums.” He took another deep breath and let it out in a rush. “Anyway, I took back something you took from me.” His eyes were pleading and I wanted to memorize that look so I could take out the memory and play it back when I had more time to study and… and appreciate it.

“Eight hundred and ninety two years, seven months, twelve days, three hours, forty-six minutes and twenty-two seconds ago.” His voice was soft and hypnotic. “TARDIS time.”

“What? That’s when I …borrowed the TARDIS.” I started to shiver, my brain refusing focus. “I didn’t take anything from you.” We’d fought that morning, another in a long string of arguments that never seemed to get resolved.

“Yes, you did. You took everything that meant anything to me.” His eyes were soft and sticky, pulling me in.

“What? What did I take from you?” I whispered unable to look away.

He whispered it so softly I had to lean forward to hear him. “Hope.” 

 

~oOo~

 

Finis

~oOo~

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own. Never will own. yada yada
> 
> First posted on fanfiction.net


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